Archie the Ancient Sea Turtle Medium

Archelon ischyros – late Cretaceous period, early Maastrichtian age

A trip to western North America 75 million years ago requires a pair of flippers, but it would put you in good company with Archelon ischyros, the largest turtle on record. Archie is a unique sea turtle, lacking the hard shell seen in other species, with flippers more suited to shallow sea beds when compared to his modern cousins. What Archie may have lacked in defense and mobility, he made up for in size. At 15 feet long, Archie is twice the length of the modern leatherback sea turtle!

But if you were to take a dip in the ancient sea, you’d find that some things stand the test of time, and Archie’s phallus is pretty similar to that of modern turtles. The head may look large, but with a gentle curve to aid insertion, fans of front-loaded frolics will be swimming in a sea of ecstasy. Then slide down the veiny shaft and feel the gentle tickle of the tail as you grind against the scaled base. The Cretaceous waters may be cool, but a night skinny-dipping with Archie promises to be hot!